Today has been a day filled with moments of remembrance. Not purposely, but all day I kept catching myself deep in thought remembering so many different moments from the last 2 years. Some good memories and some not so good. So many major life changing events have taken place within the last 2 to 3 year. It seemed like I was sick for so long and no matter how many times I went to the doctor, they just couldn't decide what was wrong with me. So many horrible invasive tests that I had to endure. The sudden removal of my gall bladder because a doctor decided that is what was making me so ill. Realizing that my gall bladder could have stayed because after it's removal, I was still sick. Then seeing my endocrinologist because a goiter I'd had for a few years was growing so much that it was now visible to others. I opted for that surgery to have the goiter removed purely for vanity reasons. Two days after I was discharged from the hospital for that surgery, I received a call letting me know that I had to go back in for surgery within days because cancer was found during the surgery. As if undergoing 2 operations on my neck within a week wasn't enough...I had an entire year of cancer treatments to endure. It was such a horrible year for everyone involved. Shane was an OTR truck driver at the time so he wasn't always here to help out...though he did quit that job when it became obvious that I could no longer care for myself and Lindsey like I used to. Poor Lindsey had to see much that a child just shouldn't have to witness. There were many times that our roles were reversed...she would instinctively take on a mothering role when I was at my worst. But we all survived which is what is most important! After living through the worst year of my life, the year ended wonderfully with the news of me being pregnant. Many were not thrilled about the news because of my weakened state...but it was the light at the end of the tunnel for Shane & I. The entire pregnancy was painful and hard. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and was unable to control it so I had to give myself regular insulin shots...which were so difficult for me. It got to the point that Shane would have to give them to me because I would just go into a full blown anxiety attack over it. Oh it was such a long pregnancy that ended with an emergency c-section. But it was so wonderful to finally have that little girl with us! She made all the pain go away in an instant! And then in late Feb. of this year, Shane's Uncle Russell became very ill. In all honesty, he has been ill ever since I've known him. But this time we all knew it was very serious. Shane ended up leaving work to go with his mom to stay at the hospital that his uncle had been transferred. They stayed with him all week...which was a week full of ups and downs. It was discovered that his bowels had ruptured and so surgery was done to fix that. He did not wake up for the surgery for a few days...it was becoming very scary for all of us. But then when he finally woke up...he started recovering very well. It was amazing how quickly he was bouncing back! Since he was feeling so well, we decided to take the girls to go and see him the Sunday after his surgery while he was still in the hospital. He looked so well and was in such wonderful spirits. It was such a wonderful day! And then just as quickly as he was recovering...he went downhill. The pain became so intense that he admitted that he could no longer fight it and he was ready to go. He died within a few hours. I will never forget the moment that Shane called to tell me...I was standing in Wal-Mart getting checked out by a cashier. Lindsey and I ended up sitting in the van for quite awhile crying. We knew this was going to happen as Shane had called to let me know that Russ had said that he couldn't go on anymore. But knowing it still didn't make it any less painful. He was such a wonderful man. Truly the most unselfish person I've ever met! I am just thankful that we had that last Sunday with him. It was truly a beautiful day. We all miss him so much!
Wow...I didn't plan on getting this deep with this post. I guess I just needed to get some things out. If anyone has made it this far...you deserve some sort of award! :) I'm now off to bed. Tomorrow is a big day for me. I will be walking the Survivor's Lap at Relay For Life! Goodnight all...
